Don’t settle. Don’t panic. Just wait. You will know.
My mother, who will turn 99 years old in October, drilled this mantra into the hearts of her four daughters throughout our entire dating and mating years. My parents lived one of those fairy tale love stories with my father proposing on their very first date. My mother laughed him off until she realized that he wasn't kidding. They were married just three months later and adored each other every day of the nearly 50 years they were together.
As my sisters and I searched for our Prince Charmings we kissed a pond-full of frogs, hoping that their abundant warts would magically disappear. We tried so hard to limbo into love, but the bar my parents had set was pretty darn high. Just when we began to question my mother’s sage advice, two of us got married in the same year. And while my sister Nancy’s union didn’t last into old age, she did produce my favorite niece and nephew.
As cousins, the daughter and Olivia are the closest thing to a sister each will ever know. They swapped plenty of their own frog stories through the years with nothing healing their hearts like Nana’s marriage mantra. It gave them hope. It gave them calm. It gave them courage to get back on those dang dating apps.
Just about two years ago, the daughter, and subsequent maid of honor, called in a love alert.
“Don’t say anything yet, but Olivia went on a date last night. She thinks she’s found her person.”
Perhaps because I’m living my own version of a happily-ever-after story, I immediately bought into it and started peppering the daughter with the pertinent questions. Is he rich? Is he handsome? Is he smart? Knowing of course that the yet to be determined were the only questions that mattered: Is he kind? Is he a good person? Does he love Olivia?
It turns out that yeah, he is all of those things and more.
On a Friday evening in early September, Olivia and Kevin tied the knot at a beautiful old estate in the Philadelphia suburbs. Nancy, the mother of the bride, has extraordinary vision as well as the talent, the connections, and the wherewithal to bring those creative inspirations to life. So it was no surprise to any of us that the venue was decorated with adorable touches that epitomized the couple’s personalities. There were dozens and dozens of hand-baked cookies made by the incredible Mary Crate, golf-clubbed flower arrangements, cupcakes (almost) too pretty to eat, golf balls with fun sentiments printed on them, a mini-golf course by the barn, an abundance of food and drink, and an eight-piece band that kept four generations of guests dancing the whole night long.
The highlight of the party came when Olivia and Kevin choreographed and karaoked their way through Journey’s Don’t Stop Believin’ (they didn't), You’ve Lost that Lovin’ Feelin’ (they haven’t), and that ever-fun I’ve Had the Time of my Life.
It was a night of pure joy with everyone the two of them love (and some whom they don't) all together, celebrating their union.
Somewhere between the bacon-wrapped scallops and the donut wall, I started blinking back sentimental tears realizing that a niece or nephew’s wedding is about as good as it gets. You’re right there in the lineage line, without the stress of hosting…or paying. My three kids along with two significant others came from across the country to share their familial love with their cousin and her new spouse. As any empty-nester knows, when all your adult offspring are together in one place (as long as it's not living in your house), it brings fuzzy feelings to a parent's heart.
I suspect I've attended close to 100 weddings in my long-lived life. And despite all the time and travel (not to mention money) that has entailed, there's still no event I enjoy more than celebrating the first day of the rest of a life together. It goes way beyond toasting the happy couple – it’s the fun of witnessing the merging of two (sometimes more) families composed of completely different characters (and there are always characters), the blending of friends with both sordid and solid histories, and being part of the pile of hope that the newly united couple will indeed make it.
Everyone smiles on their wedding day -- it’s the days and years after when the bills need to be paid, the children fed, the toilets plunged that the real work begins. Which is why when you start in a place knowing absolutely and unequivocally that your partner is THE ONE, all the minutiae of life is a whole lot easier to navigate.
Here’s to Kevin and Olivia, and to the parents who made them, the siblings who tortured them, the cousins who envied them, the friends who supported them, the bosses who hired them, and the dogs who adored them.
If your happily-ever-after is even a fraction as much fun as the day you were married, it will certainly go down in the books as a love well-lived.
My wise old mother will likely not make it to Olivia and Kevin’s tenth, let alone 50th wedding anniversary, but for the rest of her life she will beam with pride and love, knowing that her first-born and first-married grandchild did as she was told.
Don’t settle. Don’t panic. Just wait. You will know.
