“Are you some secret world peace activist, or just a
throwback hippie?” a friend asked when she came to my house for the first time.
I had no idea what she was talking about until she pointed
out the glut of peace signs all over the place.
Guests are greeted by a hand-painted ceramic tile hanging in
my foyer that reads, “May
All That Enter Know Peace.” Above my stove in the
kitchen is a big, wooden peace sign. On my red leather couch is a black peace
sign throw pillow. Hanging on my garden fence is a battered tin peace sign I
ordered from a mail-order catalog. I wear an Alex and Ani bracelet with a peace
sign charm. Through the years my friends have given me many peace sign
presents. I’ve gotten a set of coffee mugs, Christmas ornaments, a wooden box
for my bureau, earrings, charms, rings and even a peace sign scarf that warms
my neck when I take my power walk on these frigid February mornings.
Still, I got a chuckle out of my friend’s comment realizing that
what we portray is so often the total opposite of who we are.
Much to my ever-loving spouse's Master's-in-Middle-Eastern-History chagrin,
I could no more pick out Afghanistan on an unmarked map than I could tell you what
they’re all worked up about in Ukraine. And as far as achieving hippie-dom,
well, having grown up in the 70s, I did
my share of trying, but the closest I got was Galax Virginia for a weekend folk festival.
World peace is not what I pray for, though I’m known for
flashing a peace sign to strangers who cut me off in cars, to friends as a
greeting and to the teenagers I find sleeping in my basement in the morning.
I have always created my own turmoil. I make mountains out
of molehills and always imagine the worst scenario first. I take on more tasks
than I can possibly handle and complain when I don’t have time to breathe. Why stop
at two kids when I can quadruple the chaos with three? Why settle for PTA
president when I can join the Little League board and teach Sunday School as
well? Why steer my children toward once-a-week student council meetings when
two-a-day (times three) athletic commitments would do?
Every year child rearing got harder. My parenting standards
got higher. My kids got busier. The more out of control my life became, the
more control I craved. I started counting the years until I could move into a
retirement community with the security of knowing that every Wednesday night at
7 would be Bingo in the Blue Room and I wouldn’t have to miss it because I was
at a parent-teacher conference, or a baseball game, or both. I felt like I was in a war zone every day of
my life.
I didn’t intentionally start collecting peace signs. They
just kind of found me. Maybe they came as a gentle reminder for me to seek a sense
of calm. To let things go. To listen before lashing out. To learn to say no. To
hold fast to the hope that peace will come.
The peace has come. It always does.
With only one
self-sufficient high school senior living at home, there isn’t much left for me
to do. The bathtub almost fell through the kitchen ceiling this week and as the
bathroom gets repaired, my topsy-turvy house is covered with a fine film of
dust and workmen greeting me as I emerge from my bedroom door in the morning. Something
like that would have put me over the edge in my heyday, but today, I barely
flinch.
I didn’t do a great job of keeping a peaceful household. I
fussed and fretted. I flipped and faltered. But we all made it through. While I
can’t change the past and I can’t erase the battle scars, there’s always hope
for the future. And so, I fluff up my peace sign pillows with an old familiar
tune flowing through my soul:
Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me.
Sometimes you just have to hum it till it happens.
totally relate..love this blog, I got a call tday at noon, Mom,yes Victoria, can you bring my interoview suit here,I have a big one tomorrow at Ralph Lauren, I then ask my regular annoying laundry list of questions, and then I realize, she can come get the suit, and take the bus in tomorrow, BUT I HAVE A DATE! I am told...I give up.This all happened as I was picking up my sisters kids.
ReplyDelete